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GENESIUS TIMES: Exavier Saskagoochie<\/p>\n
As the 2020 presidential election draws near, Democratic strategists have been scrambling to find someone capable of interpreting their presumptive nominee Joe Biden<\/a>.<\/p>\n After an exhaustive search, the Democratic National Committee has selected world renowned rock star Ozzy Osbourne<\/a> to interpret the unintelligible former vice president.<\/p>\n \u201cWe were a little worried about Ozzy after the elderly rocker was stricken with pneumonia, but we were encouraged after listening to Ozzy\u2019s peaceful spoken word meditations album<\/a>and he really is the only person who speaks anything close to Bidenese,\u201d DNC Chair Tom Perez said.<\/p>\n After going through several speech writers including Jar Jar Binks<\/a> and The Swedish Chef<\/a>, staffers realized that it wasn\u2019t the speech-writers making Biden sound like a complete jumbled mess but the politician himself.<\/p>\n Osbourne is excited about the new role.<\/p>\n \u201cI just flumbba jigga pallug muhd, see?\u201d Osbourne said in his first interview as translator. \u201cAnd the jifflun huhhzzah willy jiggles.\u201d<\/p>\n Biden expressed some hesitance.<\/p>\n \u201cOnly one person can fill the tank of a leaf blower on a sunny day and that ain\u2019t slack, Jack.\u201d<\/p>\n